Breaking news:More & News About Guns N’ Roses He Has in Mind…
In a surprising twist, Axl Rose trades mic for mixing bowl. His new cookbook includes recipes like Sweet Pie o’ Mine and Welcome to the Crumble. Fans say the tiramisu has “November Rain levels of emotion.”
Slash Reveals He’s Actually Allergic to Top Hats
After decades of iconic headgear, Slash confesses the top hats give him hives. “I’ve been suffering for fashion,” he said, scratching his forehead. He’s switching to fedoras starting next tour.
Guns N’ Roses Announce Residency at Retirement Home in Boca Raton
Titled Welcome to the Geriatric Jungle, the band promises nightly shows at the Flamingo Hills Assisted Living Center. Early bird dinner included with VIP tickets.
4. Duff McKagan Mistaken for Economics Professor, Teaches Semester at Yale
Wearing glasses and a tweed jacket, Duff was accidentally hired to teach “Macroeconomic Theory.” Students said the course “rocked hard, but the finally
Guns N’ Roses confirms the long-awaited third installment will be “lyrically minimalist” and rely on modern hieroglyphics. Critics already praising the single “😡🎸🌹🔥” as a bold statement….
Band Forms Side Project With Kermit the Frog: ‘Guns N’ Ribbit’
The collaboration dropped a cover of “Patience” featuring banjo solos and muppet harmonies. Axl said, “Working with Kermit was more chill than Izzy ever was.”
Slash’s Hair Declared a National Forest
Environmental activists succeeded in getting Slash’s hair federally protected. Park Rangers warn: “Do not feed the wildlife living in it.”
Axl Rose Time Travels to 1987, Still Shows Up Late
Scientists sent Axl back to the year Appetite for Destruction released. He still arrived 2 hours late to his own debut.
Guns N’ Roses Open Chain of Rock ’n’ Roll Daycares
Called “Paradise Crèche,” the centers play lullaby versions of classic tracks. Parents praise the “Sweet Child o’ Mine” nap time remix.
GNR Tour Bus Mistaken for UFO in Nebraska
Locals reported “blinding lights, smoke, and deafening noise.” Authorities confirmed it was just the band pulling into a truck stop for chili dogs.
Band Bans All Clocks Backstage to Avoid Being On Time
New GNR tour contract specifies “no time-telling devices” to preserve the band’s legendary tardiness. Watches are considered contraband.
Axl Writes Children’s Book: Don’t Cry… Unless You Want To
A poignant, yet loud bedtime story teaching kids emotional honesty. Illustrated by Slash using only guitar picks and eyeliner.
Slash Wins “Most Likely to Solo at a Funeral” Award
Fans voted unanimously. “He makes grief melodic,” said one mourner. The solo during “Taps” brought everyone to tears.
Guns N’ Roses Sued by Actual Roses for “Reputation Damage”
The Florists Union of America claims the band gives roses a bad name. A class-action lawsuit is pending.
Entire Tour Cancelled After Band Gets Lost in Giant Tour T-Shirt
Stagehands say the XXXXL commemorative shirt “collapsed like a parachute” and the band hasn’t been seen since.